Healing from Infidelity: 3 Stage Recovery Model

Infidelity Recovery: A 3-Stage Proven Process to Heal and Rebuild Your Relationship

At Brooklyn Somatic Therapy, founder Rebecca Stone focuses on guiding couples through the devastating aftermath of infidelity, helping them emerge stronger, more connected, and ready to create a healthier future together.

What Makes Healing Possible?

Through her extensive work with hundreds of couples, Rebecca has found that approximately 90% of couples successfully recover when two key factors are present:

  1. The partner who had the affair didn't truly love the affair partner

  2. The cheating partner genuinely loves their spouse

This is very encouraging news because these factors don't require extraordinary circumstances. When couples come to do the right healing work from a solid foundation of love and connection then not only is healing possible but couples are capable of creating a better relationship than they've ever had. Infidelity work is very complex because of how traumatic it is for the betrayed partner. So after working with hundreds of couples, Rebecca has developed a 3 stage model to move from a place of vulnerability to a place of strength for both the betrayed and betraying partner.

This 3-stage recovery model isn't just theoretical—it's born from witnessing real couples transform their pain into deeper connection. This approach is designed to ensure you feel deeply supported, safe, and equipped to heal and move forward—whether that means repairing your relationship or finding clarity about your next steps.

STAGE 1: Healing for the Betrayed Partner

If you’ve been betrayed, it’s normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions, but what’s often more painful is the self-doubt that can arise after infidelity. You may start questioning your own worth—wondering if you’re undesirable, unworthy, or too much for your partner. In stage 1, we focus on healing these deeply ingrained beliefs, which may have predated the affair but were amplified by it.

What healing looks like in Stage 1:

  • Unpacking Internalized Blame: Infidelity can leave you with beliefs that you were the cause of the betrayal—whether you feel too unattractive, too needy, or too distant. We will help you identify where these feelings come from and work to heal them.

  • Restoring Self-Worth: We focus on building your self-esteem and reconnecting you with your true value. You were not the cause of the infidelity, and in this stage, you’ll begin to shift your mindset to a place of empowerment and understanding.

  • Healing from Trauma: The emotional wounds left by infidelity are deep and complex. We help you process and release the trauma connected to the betrayal, allowing you to heal both emotionally and physically through somatic therapy and trauma-informed techniques.

STAGE 2: Insight and Trauma Healing for the Cheating Partner

Infidelity doesn’t just affect the betrayed partner; the person who cheated is also carrying their own pain, trauma, and patterns that led to their choices. Stage 2 is focused on helping the cheating partner understand and heal their own emotional wounds and trauma, so they can explain the “why” of their actions—not as an excuse, but as an insight into their past that led them to this moment.

What healing looks like in Stage 2:

  • Unpacking Trauma and Attachment Patterns: The cheating partner may have had unmet needs or unresolved emotional wounds that influenced their decision. Their choice to cheat was likely rooted in unresolved trauma or attachment issues—not a reflection of the relationship itself. We work to help them understand why they made this choice and how to heal those underlying patterns.

  • Healing and Accountability: The cheating partner needs to take responsibility for their actions and communicate openly with their spouse about why they cheated. This isn’t about blaming the relationship but rather addressing their own emotional needs and unhealthy coping mechanisms, learned in childhood.

  • Restoring Emotional Health: This stage is about helping the cheating partner understand their emotional landscape, heal their trauma, and begin the process of self-discovery and growth. Only then can they begin to rebuild trust and communicate honestly with their partner.

STAGE 3: Reflecting on the Pre-Existing Relationship Dynamic

Once both partners have done their healing work—individually—it’s time to focus on the relational dynamics that contributed to the affair. In this final stage, we look at the bigger picture—how both partners interacted and where they may have missed opportunities to communicate or connect.

It’s crucial to understand that the relationship dynamic did not cause the affair, but it may have contributed to it. This stage is about recognizing those dynamics and starting the process of repairing and strengthening the relationship.

What healing looks like in Stage 3:

  • Sharing Vulnerabilities: In this stage, both partners come together to share their deepest fears, desires, and vulnerabilities. This is where real emotional intimacy begins to flourish, as you can show up fully as yourselves—without judgment—and rebuild trust from a place of transparency.

  • Deep Emotional Work: Often, this stage is supported by 5-day intensive in-person retreats, where we help you go deeper into the emotional healing process. The intense work allows you to engage in open, raw conversations and connect in ways that lead to real transformation. Clients report after these retreats that they feel more connected and whole than they've ever felt as a couple.

  • Creating a New Relationship Dynamic: We will help you create healthier, more open communication patterns, build emotional safety, and reignite intimacy. This stage is where both partners take responsibility for building a new relationship foundation and work together to create something stronger and more resilient.

Why Our 3-Stage Model Works

Our 3-stage recovery model was built on the belief that recovery from infidelity requires a deep, transformative process. This process isn’t just about forgiving and forgetting—it’s about understanding the root causes of the betrayal, healing emotional wounds, and creating lasting change.

  • Holistic Approach: We address both the emotional and physical impact of infidelity, using trauma-informed somatic therapy and EMDR to help release stored trauma in the body and integrate emotional healing.

  • Custom-Tailored Support: Each couple’s journey is unique, and we offer personalized couples therapy designed to meet your specific needs. Depending on the needs of the couple, initial sessions may be focused on each partner separately before the work brings both partners together to focus on relationship repair. This approach is unique to our infidelity recovery model. Most couples therapists focus only on the couples' communication and we've seen that approach cause harm. 

  • Empathy and Accountability: We create a compassionate, non-judgmental environment where both partners can be vulnerable, honest, and accountable for their actions. This process is about healing, not blame, and we ensure that every step is taken with respect for both partners’ emotional journeys. 

Testimonials

  • “Rebecca's masterful guidance not only moved us lightyears ahead in the healing and repair process, but likely…saved our marriage. We have been through so much therapy, on our own and as a couple, read every book, followed everyone on social media who claims to know the way forward, but no one has been able to help us the way Rebecca has, as a couple and as individuals. Her understanding of the unique scenarios that lead to infidelity and the specific ways to heal are priceless. She not only impacted our lives for the better, but healed trauma that would be passed down to our children and grandchildren.”

  • "I could not recommend this program more highly to anyone experiencing and exploring the emotional traumas with infidelity. Rebecca's program helps you understand that you are not broken, you are not alone, and there is a way forward if you want to find one.”

  • “Rebecca's mastery of affair recovery and guidance for you as an individual and as a couple cannot be quantified. As a betrayed partner, you are in the depths of despair, crushed with so much pain and overwhelmed with emotion. Rebecca is the only person who's been able to show me not only the light at the end of the tunnel, but the path to get there, and given my husband the shovel to help dig us out.”

 Ready to Start Your Recovery Journey?

Infidelity doesn’t have to define your relationship. With the right support, you can not only heal from the betrayal but also create a deeper, more authentic connection with your partner. Contact us today to learn more about our 3-stage infidelity recovery model and take the first step toward healing, trust, and renewal.